Apathy Inversion

After spending a few weeks in the south, it has been a challenging to get my footing back here in Missoula. The sun doesnt shine too much, because the cloud cover creates a pocket over the valley. It's amazing how weather can affect the mood, and the culture of a place. There was even talk of someone crying over the inversion. I guess the lack of sunshine will do that to you. The beauty of the inversion though, is that when the sun shine's through you really feel the warmth it sends.

THE ROAD TO AFRICA: It has been some time since I began my quest to return to Africa. After forming a life in Montana, I became disconnected from the reasons that drove me to return to the Motherland. I was excited and honored after being nominated for a Rotary Ambassadorial Scholarship, but after a year of waiting and no set plans it has been hard to imagine that the day will arrive that I get to actually board a plane. Although I still have yet to know which country I am traveling to "officially", I was pleasantly surprised by the energy at the Rotary training I attended in Greensboro last weekend. I must admit the training exceeded my expectations, mostly because it is a difficult task to prepare 40 people with varying age and travel experience for a year abroad in countries that span the globe. I had spent so much time thinking about sitting in a room for 10 hours straight that I forgot the purpose of the organization and that everyone is united under the "service above self" motto. Training began for me when I was introduced to my Greensboro Rotary Club Sponsor, an established international business woman from Nigeria. My doubts subsided after meaningful and cheerful conversation with Chi about her philosophies of cultural experiences and all that my experience in Africa could be. The first few hours were a whirlwind of introductions to other fellow scholars as well as Rotarians from all over the Eastern U.S. It was a jam packed day of networking. The sessions themselves served to inform us of the logistics and the process that follows acceptance of the scholarship. We heard from returned Scholars from Europe, South America, and Africa. I was excited to meet scholars heading to the same district, so at least I have some spots picked out to visit. Mostly though it helped me realize what a great experience this can be, and how above and beyond getting an education I will be able to make an impact using a powerful organization.

MY PIECE OF THE PUZZLE: I feel the most important piece of training for me was finding that strong passion I have had for returning for Africa, that has faded over the last few months. I haven't realized how disconnected I have become from my original desires to travel, learn under a new system, and make a positive impact abroad. How did just one night help me remind of this deep routed desire? Well, it started with an outgoing Rotarian. If you couple that with comedy, tangeable items, and inspiring stories you get something close to the feeling each of us left with after dinner that evening. John T, was the man's name, and he told stories with fervor about how we have the ability as people to make change. He talked about the adversity he received abroad in the 80s, and how he managed to break down those barriers. He showed visuals of all of the things Rotarians have managed to do abroad, and then he handed each of us a puzzle piece. I began hearing names of established politicians, writers, world leaders, and peace keepers - all of whom who were Rotary Scholars. During this speech I began thumbing over my puzzle piece, wondering if I would have to get up and miserably try to put together a huge puzzle with the other 70 people in the room. Then I heard him say, these people are all pieces of a greater puzzle (if you are an SLCer, then you understand my love for Legacies, and how beautifully they fit into inspirational speeches). What is your piece of the puzzle going to be? I'm not sure if it was the way he spoke, that he strongly believed what he was saying, or that he had spent most of his life doing service abroad and using the money of an established business organization to help end a widespread virus (polio). Nonetheless, when he got off the stage, I no longer thought of the next 9 months of paperwork, the year I have spent filling out applications and interviewing, or the times i've questioned whether this was the right choice. Instead, I remembered that above and beyond anything, I have a desire to connect with another culture, to understand things from a different perspective, and to serve by meeting the needs of the community I study in.

APATHY VS ACTIVISM: Lately I have felt like there is no way to take action the way I used to be able to. At Elon, I felt that there was a certain unifying component of activism. Sometimes it was simple little acts like fasting shoes for a few days or walking on the grass not on the paths. However, when tragedy struck anywhere in the world it was a guarantee that students would be ready to act. I miss the days of walking through the Moseley Center and seeing tables, billboards, and signs of the countless causes that students were trying to raise awareness about or seek volunteers for. I often took for granted this environment, or at least did not stop to consider that this may not be the norm for most campuses. Here, as the inversion creates a pocket in the valley, it seems to also keep the culture inside. Missoula has so many non-profits and everyone in the community gives back to them somehow. However, the feel of UM and Missoula has not been the same in response to international tragedies. This is something that might have to do with the students, and the fact that we are in winter session or the way the school functions when it comes to service. IT has taken some time to get used to, and will take more work to get certain fundraisers going. I also feel as though I have let apathy overcome me a bit lately too. I'm not sure if this is due to not knowing where to commit my time or how to get involved outside of work, but I have not been as involved in the community as I had hoped after 6 months of living here. I have decided to work with the Missoula Rotary Club to see if there is anything they can do to raise money for Haiti. I have also committed to doing direct service with the Watershed Education Network, which will get me outside and more involved in the community. I have felt a bit of the effects of my own inversion, staying only in the office, and not making the most of the position ive been given in the community. My goal for the next 6 months is to really get out into the community, and stay committed to a few of these organizations.

So the past 2 weeks of being back in Missoula have certainly tested my patience. It has been difficult not knowing where I am going and when I am leaving the country, but I think the waiting has been good for me. I also feel like Rotary got me hyped up to get involved before I leave, and make the most of my time in Missoula. I am working hard to get back on a schedule, and feel like my old, fired up, Elon self again. It is a hard transition back into the clouds and gray of the mountains, but I look forward to the sun shining again. The good news about winter in Missoula? Just when the inversion seems too much to handle, snow fall brings relief and takes the gloom out of the day.

The Month of Giving

After taking a week off of working for a trip home, it was hard to jump back into the day to day office work. It has been nice to be back in the land of mountains. Living in the valley keeps me fulfilled and grounded. The winter has definitely arrived; snow kept me company on my walk to work this week, and it was so cold that at one point one of my tears froze on my face! It is still quite magical though, and hopefully I will be able to brave the entire winter. Everyone is getting ready for Christmas, and I have been blasting my alternative Christmas mix throughout my house. It is nice to have snow and holiday spirit.

WRAPPING UP THE SEMESTER: Work has simmered down a bit, and my responsibilities are all very future oriented. I am currently working on time-lines and getting the smaller details in order to start focusing on the major events I have to plan next semester. It is a strange calm right now, because normally I am used to final exams and having so much work that Christmas Break is a nice time to simmer down. Right now although I do have regular daily tasks, it just feels as though December will be the calm before the storm that the end of January will bring. I am working on starting a creative writing contest among members which I am excited about and hope will work out. In addition, i'm beginning to plan a training for leaders in February which is my next challenge. For now though I work 9-5 in the office. Mondays and Wednesdays I spend at the YMCA tutoring kids which is a blast. I've been looking for other tasks at work like shopping for the veterans our office has adopted, really anything that can get me out of the office for a while.

A MONTH OF SELF IMPROVEMENT: This month I am able to focus on reaching some of my personal (non-work related) goals, and trying new things. I have committed to rock climbing at the gym once a month which has been a good way to challenge myself mentally / physically. I am also hoping to take a photography class in January so I can learn the basics of using a manual. Soon I might even pick up skiing to keep myself entertained and outside for the rest of winter. At night i've been trying to master my knitting skills. Although I have moments where I miss my friends and support system of Elon, I am extremely glad that I moved out on my own. It has been a challenge but a necessary one. In the few months that I have been here I have learned my strengths and weaknesses and really learned to appreciate who I am. I have built a support system here, though it is small compared to the one I had at Elon, it has made Montana feel like home. I am still looking to find more projects to do in the community, because I feel separate from it a lot of the times being in the office on campus. I guess that comes with most indirect service or office positions in any company. It has been discouraging at times to not be out in the community, but i'm doing my best to make the most of it all.

WORDS FOR CHANGE: The good thing about my position is that the guidelines are very "big picture" guidelines, so I have a lot of freedom to plan fun projects within those very broad guidelines. The challenge with this is that I sometimes lose sight of the smaller details, but I have been able to come up with a new creative challenge for members. I am about to launch a "Words for Change" competition where members can creatively express themselves and reflect on their service a bit more deeply. It struck a chord with the head of MTCC, so he has offered to fund the contest giving the winner an ipod and publishing the works in some sort of final product! The first step has been typing up a convincing announcement and being clear about guidelines. I'm pretty excited about it, and it is something that will be mine which is pretty cool. Hopefully I will receive some quality submissions and maybe spark interest in a number of members all over the state.

CHRISTMAS WISHES: The Campus Corps team at the University of Montana ran adopt-a-family / adopt-a-vet program where departments / students/ community members can adopt either a family or a veteran and buy presents from their wish lists. My office adopted 2 veterans which I got to take the lead on, so my co-worker and I spent a morning shopping for model cars, george forman grills, and clothes for these two men who made sacrifices for us long ago. It was a nice change. My responsibilities were only supposed to go as far as buying and wrapping the gifts, but luckily my roommate needed a car to pick up all of the gifts to be delivered to the Valor House. We loaded the gifts that completely filled up my forester. Among these gifts were some snow shoes for a man named Russell. Upon arriving and unloading, I saw an older man's eyes light up as he watched me carry a set of old wooden snow shoes. To my sweet surprise, I witnessed Russell discover his Christmas dreams had in fact come true. It was warming, but not all of the veteran's wishes were as easily fulfilled. The only thing on one man's wishlist was a purpose. I was happy that many people without the same luxuries as myself were able to receive the gifts they wanted, but there is more to be done. It was a bittersweet project that reminded myself and my fellow team leaders that gifts can be fulfilling but they aren't always everything. We wanted more than anything to give this man a purpose, but he had to settle for new clothes instead.

FRUITS OF MY LABOR: Finally I have something to show for my work, that you all can enjoy (should you have the time). I spent the last month working diligently on a newsletter to highlight as many projects and programs around the state I could fit in. It has finally been edited and posted on our website. If you want to learn more about the program, what the leaders I work with do, and what is happening with Campus Corps projects around the state you should check out the newsletter. Keep in mind that I was not a journalism major, so this newsletter format was new to me. Anyways, click the link to see the newsletter: http://www.mtcompact.org/documents/NewsletterFall09.pdf

Self Directed Service

Indirect service can seem monotonous at times, and is often difficult to see the "fruits of the labor". This makes staying motivated a challenge at times.

CHALLENGING THE SYSTEMS: I've learned how hard it can be to make change, even when you know it is necessary. My goal has been to help leaders create systems in the offices that will provide more room for student leadership through service. I respect the leadership model of EV! and want to create similar models where they fit in at many of the campuses I work with. This seems like a feasible goal however there are so many factors that often prevent progress. Because of how distant I am from the actual offices, it is difficult for me to make change. This has been discouraging at times but a good lesson on the various levels that go into making a successful service-learning program. I have been experiencing a side of service-learning that I did not get to see as a student leader, and it has been an essential learning experience. It has made me push myself to decide if I would rather be in a more hands on position or if I enjoy having influence on the bigger picture of the program.

ONE LEADER DOWN: Last week was difficult from a programming stand point because I had one team leader who quit Americorps. She called me first to let me know, which reflected her respect for our office. However, it is hard to lose a leader because it feels as though it reflects on me. It does prove that some Americorps postions are not for everyone, and so it is good to know what the job description is before signing up. This leader wanted to be more hands on, and less self directed. It also showed me that my support can only go so far before the college campus coordinators have to take over. Unfortunely not all offices have staff members as committed to personal development like those at Elon. It was difficult but i've used it as motivation to make sure that the remaining leaders are supported locally in addition to our office's support.

STRUCTURAL CHANGE: The highlight of last week though is that i've been working with my boss to make some structural changes in the program. I am worried that perhaps i'm too ambitious with change, but we are going to try to incorporate VISTAs into the campus offices to see how they can build capacity and sustainable programs. Once again going off the North Carolina model, we will be experimenting with VISTAs in offices next year who want to develop their programs further. IT is exciting to know that i've been able to assist with the vision of Campus Corps, and it makes me feel as though my contributions will pay off. It is a sign that my hard work is working towards something, even if I can't always see the result.

BACK TO THE OFFICE WORK: Next week will be our final site visits for the semester, meaning that I will finally be grounded for a while in Missoula. My next tasks will be planning a winter retreat / training for leaders which really excites me. I am also responsible for planning the spring member training, and we will be working with members to present to their peers. In addition to these major events I am putting together a writing contest for members to submit creative peices about the service they have been doing. The office work gets to be a lot and there are certainly days where I would rather be outside educating children but i've gotten the hang of the work and appreciate the lessons I am getting. I have really enjoyed the freedom to choose projects that I feel will enhance the program. It is nice to have a self-directed job with support from my supervisor. Turns out this kind of office work isn't too bad and I always remind myself where the work ends up - college students directly serving in their community.

FOOTBALL WITH A 6 and 3/4 YEAR OLD: Unfortunately I have not been able to volunteer with boys and girls club because they do not have teens coming to the center. I waited it out and helped them as much as possible but there is not much to be done in terms of direct service. I spent the last week or two contacting agencies in search of a direct project with kids, which sounds easy, but was actually quite difficult. FInally i stumbled upon a YMCA article so I jumped on the opportunity and went to the Y on Monday. the facility is by the old fairground so there are a few buildings that kids can do homework in, and a huge field. I spent the afternoon playing football with a "6 and 3/4" year old which was extremely refreshing. He was a fast one, and at one point asked me to stop going easy on him, which was embarrassing b/c I was pretty much running as fast as I could. Needless to say it was a great time and I look forward to going there weekly. IT is surprising how hard it was to find a site that needed me and could give me somthing to do, so it's nice to now have a project to do after work.

I guess the moral of this post is that i've learned to really believe in what I do, what many of us do, which is promote active citizens. So yes, the indirect office work is challenging at times but when I hear college students talk about how meaningful their experience has been it doesnt seem so monotonous anymore. Ive been lucky enough to gain the hands on service i've been craving at the YMCA where I volunteer weekly playing with kids. The rest of the time I spend doing behind the scenes work, but it's no less important.

Building Engaged Citizens

“Don’t worry about what the world needs. Do what makes you come alive and do
that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” — Howard Thurman

BUILDING ENGAGED CITIZENS: This weekend was the Building Engaged Citizens conference for all of the Campus Corps members and Vista members that belong to Montana Campus Compact. In words that anyone outside of Montana can understand, it was orientation for college students that get AmeriCorps money to serve in their communities. My role in this hectic compilation of college students from universities all over the state was planning, facilitating, and lending my couch to the various VISTA's that stayed in Missoula over the weekend. Like many anticipated moments in life, I spent more time and energy planning for the conference than actually attending it. The weekend seemed to fly by and now remains in my memory as a whirlwind of new faces, behind the scenes tasks, and tons of icebreakers. It was exciting to see everyone in one place and get to have a somewhat leading role in this.

DEFINING SERVICE CONTROVERSY: I seemed to stir up quite the controversy with the "defining service" activity (Elon Vols folks, you all probably do this in your sleep now) but boy did we have some heated conversation. This activity is designed to really make people define what service means to them, and help them consider their own service ethic. For those of you that are unfamiliar the activity asks participants to rate different proiects on a scale, such as giving blood, donating money, voting, and joining the armed forces. In reality with 80 AmeriCorps members, it creates a heated conversation and deep debates. I saw this as a positive thing, because it got people discussing their definition of service and forcing themselves to really define what service means. It also proved how passionate people are about service and what it means to them. However, the debate left a bad taste in many people's mouths. I am a firm believer that this is where people learn the most but as a leader it also puts me in a tough spot because now we have unhappy participants. All in all it went well, and I guess there's nothing like a little bit of controversy to get people reflecting on their personal values.

HAPPENINGS ON HIGGINS: After the seven day work week I took Monday off to sleep and be mindless for a day. This led me to "liquid planet" (my favorite coffee shop) in the afternoon where I was able to enjoy the weather and be on the internet at the same time. I love walking around town in the afternoon because there are so many people out on the streets sipping coffee, writing, playing music, or reading. It is great to get to interact with strangers, and people watch. I ended up spending a good bit of the afternoon speaking to a man living off the disability allowance, who admitted to being an alcoholic. He opened up to me about all of his problems, what he wants from life, and how he got to where he is. It was a strange conversation, mostly because of how off guard I felt when a stranger wanted to speak with me. I've become so accustomed to tuning out my surroundings and having that "city" mindset of not interacting with anyone that I forget it's ok to interact with new people. It amazed me how open to sharing he was and how easily he admitted his problems. I wanted to help him, but listening felt like the only thing to do at that point. Needless to say, Brian has been on my mind all week and i'm glad I had the chance to interact with him. It's one of those moments that felt like I was in the right place at the right time. What does this have to do with my service or building engaged citizens? It made me realize that the "service" we provide on a daily basis through AmeriCorps should not end there. Instead it should inspire a certain mindset, where talking with a community member and giving of ourselves is part of our lifestyle and personality. It is the smaller aspects of "service", the subtle everyday deeds that really make us an engaged citizen.

HATS AND SCARVES: I have realized what "seasons" really mean as the cold begins to set in, and I find myself wearing a scarf, hat, and north face in my office. Winter is no joke out here, but i'm enjoying the change in season. Today is first Friday where I will be going down town to the art museums sipping free beverages and looking at new works of art. There certainly is a lot of culture to the town, and I'm excited to see all that arises from the winter here.

Well it's Friday afternoon, so it's time to go.. Tune in next week to hear about my weekend at an ACMAC (Americorps Member Advisory Council) retreat.